Hillary Clinton Miffed Over Missed Emails in Spam Folder

NEW YORK, NEW YORK- As if losing a presidential election that you were heavily favored to win wasn't disappointing enough, former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton recently experienced another crisis: a junk folder full of outdated and expired deals. 

Clinton uncovered the folder on her now famous unsecured server recently. All along she had assumed "junk folder" meant unimportant memos from Homeland Security.

As she clicked through the long list of emails, the former First Lady noticed expired TCBY coupons, unused Kohls cash, and numerous LinkedIn requests from members of the Russian government.

Clinton grew more frustrated as she opens an email with a coupon code for a buy one, get one free pantsuit deal. "How did these not get to my inbox?" Clinton cited poor oversight by her campaign staff for the email delivery failure. "I've learned through the years that you can never trust young interns."

Among other emails Clinton discovered: some discounts on Canadian pharmaceuticals, advertisements for makeup, downloadable "I'm With Her" wallpaper, and an email from former FBI Director James Comey dated two weeks prior to the election. The subject read "Really need to talk to you soon".

"That crazy James. I always deleted his mail without ever opening it."

Mrs. Clinton ended our interview not long after clicking through some Redbox deals (including a reminder about her reservation for How To Lose a Guy in 10 Days). When she opened an email that gave concern.

"Excuse me. I've received an email from a Prince in Nigeria saying they have five million dollars for me. I need to confer with my assistant to determine if this is either a veiled security threat or if someone is past due on a campaign pledge."